Why narcissistic abuse survivors need to expand into their being.

For many years, the survivors of narcissistic abuse have had to keep themselves small in order to survive. A big part of healing from this kind of abuse is taking steps to embody who we truly are. Now, after many years of being abused, it might feel extremely uncomfortable to feel any other way than what you do now. If you have always been used to people pleasing and narcissists violating your boundaries, it may feel like healing is impossible.

The biggest challenge is taking your power back but this starts in the simplest way possible:

By refusing to give the narcissist access to your presence by going no contact or as minimal contact as possible. 

This is the beginning of things changing.

The narcissist can only influence you if they are within your immediate environment. Taking away their supply is key and it is one of the ways we can really begin opening the door to our true selves.

The second biggest challenge is as follows:

Not letting the narcissist live in our physiology.

Breaking the trauma bond is instrumental to our healing. Becoming aware of how the narcissist found the hook into our being means being able to heal it and close it off for good so this never happens again. 

What do I mean when I say that?

The narcissist only targets the individuals who they perceive as having 'weaknesses.' They see people as having empathy, love and care for them as a weakness and of course we all know, being able to love somone is never a weakness, it's always a strength. There is one key difference here (and please keep in mind I am not shaming the survivors of narcissistic abuse here, I am merely pointing out the facts with the following):

They isolate your needs and if they see that you are in desperate need for being loved because you've never experienced this before, the relationship will move very fast. You will not have the necessary boundary in place to safeguard yourself from a potential abuser because you will be operating through your emotional needs and old truamtic wounding which will be driving you forward towards this person without a second thought as to whether or not you should. Narcissists are predators who know exactly what they're doing and they will only work on the people they know will lower their boundaries for them because they have unhealed emotional needs.

With this in mind, please remember the following:

NOBODY DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. 

Just because someone has unhealed emotional wounds does NOT mean they deserve to be targeted and abused. It may explain why they have been abused by a narcissist but it in no way justifes it. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to except that I also played a role in why I was targeted for abuse. I did have unhealed trauma that needed to be addressed and once I did that, it was like cauterizing a wound for good. It was painful to have to face those unhealed parts of myself but it was absolutely worth it. This helps us to expand into who we really are (and please be aware that it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight and there are many ups and downs in this experience) but what matters is that we take small steps every single day towards our healing.

It's consistency that matters. As someone who has healed from narcissistic abuse, I am aware of how dark, empty and lonely this journey can be. I really am. I say this with as much love and compassion as possible - you deserve to find true happiness, freedom and love in this life and that's what I want to help you achieve. Healing and recalibrating your nervous system is key to healing and by simply bringing awareness and understanding to what it is you need in order to heal, you can create the strong foundation you need to create a genuinely, happy life where you live from a place of authentic connection and wholeness. 

To book your free initial consultation and take that first step towards being happy and free, please send me a message via the contact form and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. 

Christina.