Five key reasons why narcissists hate your happiness.

The one thing that is guaranteed when dealing with a narcissist is that they absolutely despise your joy and happiness. Nothing makes them angrier or more determined to sabotage your every move.

Here’s why they can’t stand it:

1. It reminds them of how miserable they are inside – and they don’t like to be reminded.

Narcissists are a black hole of depression and misery. Everyone around them must to succumb to this as well in order to survive and cope with their behaviour. If you show even the slightest hint of happiness, they will work hard to quickly bring you down again to their level.

Everyone in the sphere of the narcissist must conform to the official party line which also has an unspoken agreement with how everyone in the midst of this dysfunction should be treated. Anyone who is close to the narcissist will know only too well that they are incredibly volatile and can flip like a switch instantly. The narcissist controls everyone with their mood.

2. If you are happy, it means they can’t control you anymore.

This is one of the reasons why narcissists will discard you. They see that you no longer need them to feel fulfilled and validated – and when this happens, they will get rid of you as quickly as possible. Your happiness shows them that they are insignificant. To a narcissist, control is everything. If you start to heal and begin creating your own happiness without them, you will no longer feel the urgency to take care of their needs.

They know through your previous trauma and old emotional wounds that you will stay with them indefinitely because you are outsourcing your inner power to them. As soon as you take control of your life and start making your own decisions, they know their time is up. This realisation leads to some of the most brutal discards ever because they know they are no longer significant in your life.

3. It shows them that you don’t conform to the role they have given you.

If you are the scapegoat child for example, you will have been assigned a role where you are naturally guilty and take the blame for everything that happens within the toxic family unit. This is your burden as far as the narcissistic parent is concerned because they need to project their inner inadequacies and lack of self-worth onto someone else. They can’t cope otherwise. You are the ‘fall guy’ for everything that goes wrong and this role never changes.

If you dare to step outside of this role and create your own happiness, you are creating a cardinal sin and to the narcissistic parent, this is unforgivable. You are expected to stay in this role and not do anything that might contradict that narrative. Being happy and successful doesn’t happen to the scapegoat child in their mind and if it does, they won’t be able to handle it. They will discard you asap if they see you becoming your own person.

4. It shows them that you are capable of self-actualisation when they are not.

If they see you going out into the world and creating your own happiness, nothing angers them more. They can only achieve happiness when everyone around them is miserable. This happiness is fleeting and temporary whereas your happiness is authentic, genuine and has its origin in a strong spiritual foundation.

They cannot deal with this. The light is too bright for them to handle as they are separate from this abundant source. They see us from the emotional prison they are living in and feel powerless to do anything about it. Narcissists are victims of their own inability to heal and deal with their internal trauma. Rather than heal this, they inflict it on the people around them who didn’t do anything to deserve it. They externalise their internal pain and spread it outward rather than heal it from where it started.

5. Narcissists live to create misery. It’s what gives their lives meaning.

Happiness is something that doesn’t register to them. A narcissist’s identity revolves around keeping other people small and subjugated. It’s how they operate. They thrive on drama and chaos because it creates constant problems. This is what they need in order to feel important. If everything went well and people were happy, there would be nothing for them to do and the spotlight would come back onto them.

It deflects from their inner feelings of annihilation and low self-worth when they can set the cat among the pigeons whenever they like and watch the people in their lives tear themselves apart. The more they can get away with it, the happier they feel. They like to see themselves as ‘the master of puppets’ and they get off on the fact that nobody sees them for who they truly are and believe in their mask of virtue.

Focus on you

Your happiness will always be the greatest threat to them because you have an opportunity to live a life that is authentically yours. They know they can’t do this which is why they go to so much trouble to ruin things for you. The more love and attention you give yourself, the more they will resent and blame you. This means that it’s working! Eventually, you will cast the narcissist out of your life forever because they will no longer be living in your mind, body and spirit– and that’s the eviction you need.

With love and blessings for your continued healing…

Christina xx